i ate the world & spit it back out.

Nikki Di Cunto 26 years old Registered Nurse Current location: Toronto, ON

i didn’t always love myself. i didn’t always respect myself. to be honest, i don’t want to tell you that i’m there. i’ve made it. because that would be a lie. i still have days where life doesn’t seem fair. but it’s time to wake up. life isn’t fair. life isn’t supposed to be easy. it’s suppose to challenge you. you’re supposed to cry. you’re supposed to make mistakes. it’s okay. what’s not okay is to get lost in the unfair. to let it overcome and overrule you. because it’s your life. take grasp of it. learn to love every second of it. be grateful for what you have. and strive for what you don’t.

this world is not always fair. and instead of dealing with it. i ate. i ate it up and spit it back out. i caused physical harm to my body, mind and soul. for not one year, not two but for many years. it then took me years to come clean. to free myself from the deep dark secret that i was bulimic. a secret nobody knew. because i did a pretty damn good job at hiding it. that’s the thing about eating disorders they come in all shapes and sizes. it was an impulse i couldn’t control. an anxiety that never went away. but yet i was so embarrassed and ashamed of it.

i wish i could remember how i stopped. though somedays can still be a struggle. and yes there will always be triggers. and yes there are still times i have to fight the voice inside. but it’s like i woke up one morning and it just happened. i think i finally realized that i was worthy of love. of loving myself. because no one would love me unless i loved myself first. cliché i know. but try it. i promise you. you won’t regret it.

#mentalhealth #eatingdisorder #psychology #selfcare #bodypositive #bodylove #feminism

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